4 Aspects of Strong Relationship

 

This is what came in my mind when I was brushing my teeth in my sister’s bathroom in Subang. Come to think of it, lots of inspiration for my writings really happened when I was brushing my teeth in that bathroom.

Here are 4 main things you want to check if you want a successful relationship, doesn’t matter what kind of relationship. This applies to all kind of relationships out there.

First, good choice of words. It’s easy to say good things when we are happy but is it really easy to say good things when we are angry and so consumed with our emotions? It could be hard to keep the clean records. This is why, it is very important to train ourselves to think before we speak, in any kinds of situations. If we really don’t want to live our lives full of regrets, train ourselves hard to think before we speak. In the moment when you think right before you say something, we also need to think who we are to the person we are talking to, or in other words, to know where we are standing. When we are aware of who we are to the person we are talking to, and who the person we are talking to, it’s easier to talk since we know what kind of words we are going to use with the full grasp of the situation. Here comes the hardest part, to stay silent when we are angry, when we are burning on the inside and we feel like we just want to say what should be said so that we could feel satisfied.

For example, when someone said something bad to us, or cursed us, maybe because she’s in a bad mood or both of you are fighting over something, it is always tempting to hurl the harsh words back. Because in that moment, we feel the urge to lash out everything so that we could feel satisfied. We imagine the satisfaction will be so real but the question is, does it really worth it all?

It might be satisfying for a good few minutes but later you will sit down with full shot of regrets. Could apologies erase everything you said before? No. It is hard to hold back but the real satisfaction is when you are able to stay sane and rational in this kind of situations. This is why our Prophet said,

One who cools and controls his anger is regarded as a wrestler (a strong person). [Bukhari & Muslim]

I understand we all are made of limits. But remember, there are always ways to talk things through. Always. But if some people treat you way too much and you could feel your blood is boiling, face them heads up. Those people might seem strong and capable of saying things so hurtful that you think you could die listening to them, but the real fact is, they might not be the way they seem. They might have more issues inside them, they might struggling with a list of insecurities. Nobody knows.

Normalise saying what should be said not what they want to hear, because most of the times, it’s far from realistic. Stay true to your words. Stay true to yourself.

Second, touch. I’m just going to be real here, physical touch really plays a big role in relationships especially family bonds, romantic relationship, friendship, you name it. We are not talking about a tasteless touch or what, we are talking about physical touch wraps with compassion and love. Good physical touch at the early age could contribute a lot in kids’ developments, it could affect how the kids perceive themselves as a person, has impacts on their social skills and so on. Here’s the question, should it be done in an excessive way? It depends on your definition of excessive itself and of course, personal preferences. But for married couple, seriously speaking, it’s not great to show too much of love in the public because instead of proving how much you love your partner, it could prove the other way round. Moderately is always the best way to do something. Sometimes, I like to touch those people who I am so comfortable with, because those touches give me a sense of security and contentment. I couldn’t help but smiling and surely, I don’t feel that way with everyone. Of course this got something to do oxytocin, or known as cuddle hormones. It gives you the sense of closeness and security. Oxytocin is also known to promote bonding between mother and child. Take yourself as an example. How you feel when you touch your beloved mother? It feels good right? It feels like you just took an injection that could make you feel so content and safe thus making you feel you are capable of doing anything and could go through anything the world throws at you.

In our culture, unfortunately, we do not appreciate touch like how it should be and ended up, our feelings are suppressed because they are not expressed enough. Touch those people who are meant the world to you, those people you care so much, mean it. It doesn’t have to be that hard, you could just hold their arm dearly and look deep into their eyes and just smile. It won’t take you long though hahahaha. We should normalise a good amount of touch and of course, do not go around touching those non-mahrams. It’s haram.

Ma’qil b. Yasar R.A berkata bahawa Rasulullah saw brsabda yang bermaksud:

“Sekiranya dicucuk kepala salah seorang daripada kamu dengan jarum daripada besi, nescaya itu lebih baik buatnya berbanding dia menyentuh seorang wanita yang tidak halal baginya (bukan mahram).” Riwayat Al – Thabrani

Touch those people you love, either physically or through words. They deserve to know that they are so much loved and those good feelings within you deserved to be expressed.

To me personally, it’s always easy to make sure my words or actions are impactful; always mean it. From the deepest of your heart.

To be continued.