Listen

 

I find this scene is so profound and how I really love it for that reason. Try to observe Lexi’s body language, how it reflects discomfort and nervousness and how she is hesitant at first and she covers that with being skeptical in general and how she almost retreat back to her shell when Sylvia's phone rang, but the moment she could confirm that Sylvia is really there for her, we could see her hard, high wall slowly crumbles. That her body signals that she feels okay to finally be all vulnerable in front of Sylvia and that, Sylvia who’s the one that makes it okay for her to be that with her at the first place. That’s how powerful a clear communication can do to us, humans. It makes it seem possible to be truly okay again, or at least convince us that, it is okay not to be okay. We feel heard in the moment of vulnerability, we feel seen and it enables us to see hope at the end of the road.

 I can’t stop replaying it for numerous of times as if watching this, gives me not only hope, but strength. I remember the first time I watched this scene, with tears welled up in my eyes, I quietly said to myself that I want this. I want to have this kind of conversation, where I could be all vulnerable, and looking right into the other person's eyes and see confidence; that they could take that in, pure interest and understanding. And even if the pouring scares them, they will not back away. I desperately want that to the point I am willing to pay someone to be that for me.

Is it selfish wanting to be listened like how I want to be listened? Or at least like how I listened? Is it something impossible to ask out of people? It deflects me, it’s upsetting how I never get the satisfaction like how I see people get out of confiding in others. 

Maybe I crave for such a deep emotional connection that it's hard to find people who can offer me that. It makes me think, if I could find someone that I could connect on such a deep level so well, I might do whatever it takes to keep them. 

I don’t know how much time I have before I explode, which I hope the time would never come. I don’t know how much I have in me to keep holding in. But one thing that I truly know, I want to unpack all this emotional baggage that I’ve been carrying since a long time ago, and how they hold me back from doing a lot of things, and how the weight of it has affected and consumed me all these years. And how I only want to enjoy the beauty of life the way it is.

Maybe they don’t have the capacity to listen well that it feels easier for them to dismiss people’s feelings. I don’t know.

Imagine if we are taught how to listen well. Imagine how many hearts we could save from being crushed.