Wall fan

It's a wall fan.

I'll turn it off when it sounds too much in my ears that I can't hear my own thoughts. Even when it means to sweat all over. I can't do so much things at once. It's sensory thingy hm. It's important for me to hear what I'm thinking. 

I'll turn it on when the silence is too deep that it feels like it's slicing my skin, leaving me panicked, grabbling for the switch. White noises help me at times. Ahh, typing 'white noise' reminds me of that parenting write up on how parents should train their kids sleeping with some noises on. Learn something new? Hah! 

Despite all that, I do miss the total silence I experienced being under the water once when I was almost drowned in a pool. Is it something bizarre to say? Even though the thought of me wasn't fighting hard enough for my life has been bugging me since, which allowed myself to get distracted with the rare trainquility which the total silence had offered me. No, i wasn't distracted, i want both; to be saved but to stay underwater, wanting enough time to carve the tranquility in my memory. 

There were times I craved for it. But I can't swim and I hate water, I can't even stand wearing damp clothes. Does it make sense to crave for something that you are so scared of? No, is it possible to covet something from things we hate?

you love to ask such rhetorical questions, aren't u? why people ask questions which they know the answers? to gather confidence by garnering answers from all around? this is not about ppl, this is about u, human. 

hey stop rambling. go read something.