The Waning Friendship

 I’ve been thinking about this strenuously again after reading Firecrackers last month. The thinking actually had been started since July last year. And maybe I will finally write about it now after the dream I had last night. 

At times, it seemed easier to disengage. It always downs to that one time when the realisation came and hit you, on how contradictory your values had become between the two of you. And how the gap suddenly and surprisingly, had stretched so much that you started to think if it’s possible again to have such a connection with the same people, or other people in the future. 

And you thought, what had gone wrong? Does it always have been this way? Had the spark been long gone without you realise? 

You started to become hesitant telling them about things that matter to you. Because what's the point?

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I saw her, standing there, and my chest was instantly flooded with a yearning that I don’t remember owning but everything felt familiar and it was hard not be convinced with the feelings I had. 

I ran and gave her a tight hug. I told her how I felt relieved to finally able to touch her, and how I longed for this embrace. I cried heavily with all my might. 

She asked, why it took you so long to come back to her?

I said I wasn’t sure but it didn’t matter anymore that I have her now. 

We talked, taking each other in, listened intently, mending our longing hearts for each other. 

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Having this dream, it forced me to tend to this very thought that I’ve been putting off for some time now. It also makes me think about how it always amazes me how confounding vulnerability is capable of making us feel, but why we always hesitate when we were in the moments that demands for it?

And why, only by having them in person, it feels like it’s the only way we could confirm things that were on hold, like emotions?