Hey, hope everyone is doing great.

I always wanted to be real honest with what I’m gonna write but having the thoughts the writings might be way too honest, in a way could be seemed as provocative, might as well sound too personal, that other people might think it is inappropriate to put them online, at the end, I never really write them down, I usually brush them off pretending they don’t matter when they actually are.

I’ve heard people said, these voices of thoughts are not us, only parts of us, it’s only like we are destined to be in one single body and mind. Like a lifetime roommate, they can be annoying, they can be too upfront on certain things but to have a good life, we gotta make peace with them, and that could mean by giving them the attention they need, but not in an excessive ways.  

I personally like to hear my thoughts, giving them some space to give their stand, but when I forgot to draw some limits here and there, I akan end up penat sendiri.  

It can get really heavy, involves with a lot of questioning and self-reflection, and rarely gets dark.

At times, I really wanted to be kind to my thoughts, treating them like they are some kinds of individual, with care and great attention. I do get tired of them, hoping they would stop at some points but thinking again, I am nobody without them.

It can get exciting when I had a rush of interesting thoughts that could be poems, interesting reflection on humankind, then I would be rushing to find papers and a pencil to write them down, not wanting to miss even a word of them.   

Not sure why the sudden urge to produce this random writing, originally I wanted to write on other things but being Aini, it can be hard in choosing which thoughts I should write down first.

I just finished reading Normal People. One of the reasons why I have a lot on my mind right now but to cut it short, I loved it and the amount of connection I had with Marriane and Connor was unspeakable. I personally never thought that I am actually able to connect with fictional characters in such a very deep level. It’s mind-blowing. I get them a lot. Funny how to some people novel is only a novel but to others, it’s like being heard after thinking it could not be possible even in hundred years.