Out of Love (Book Review)

Out of Love by Hazel Hayes

384 pages | Fiction, Contemporary Romance

The story was told in reverse, which used a technique called reverse chronology (I just found out the term too). It started with the couple breaking up and ended at the first time they met. It brings you back to the journey of their shared past, their bittersweet memories together.

As their past unraveled, we could actually pinpoint the bleak sides of their relationship. I mean, it is always easier to see things from the eyes of an outsider. But just like how she said,

“What I fail to figure out is that Theo has issues of his own, maybe not as severe as mine, but enough to make him unstable and ill-equipped to cope with life. We are both wounded in our own way and, like a pair of tectonic plates shifting over time, our wounds will gradually grate against one another’s, causing damage at a glacial pace. Neither one of us will notice until it’s too late.”

 I do not think I am the right one to talk about break ups but, when it happens, it breaks us, slowly or almost instantly. This surely not only applies to romantic relationships, but all kinds of it. Like those friendships that seemed to fade away over time without us actually being able to tell why. We feel desperate to find people to blame before we started mulling over the real causes of it. Or we might fall voluntarily into empty action, the result of being in denial, hopping aimlessly from one person to another, before we reached at one point when we felt we finally had enough with the fakery of our own, and started to own our life back.  

It always requires time for us to heal, especially from those we treasured dearly.

And just like how we are able to fall in love, we too, can fall out of it. (okay, to some degrees, this line surprisingly brings comfort).

We are able to heal, just like how we are able to feel pain.   

I like the author’s writing style, somehow, it really stands out to me. Her language is neatly put which is beautiful and pleasurable to read, yet does not feel awkwardly controlled or rigid. Just like how I prefer it to be.

Some might ask why I read this book in the first place, when the ending is already being disclosed. Other than because of my fondness for sad books, it was actually because I found a short review online, saying, reading this book will help to fill the empty space caused by Normal People. It did stir me up, made me so keen to find out why the person wrote that (it is considerably a big statement to make), even though, deep down, I knew the longing I felt after finishing Normal People could never be recompensed. I would love to write a separate review on Normal People but I am afraid I could never find the right words to say how much I loved it.

Roti Canai

Oh hi again!

Ingatkan malam ni nak publish satu post je, end up I on balik laptop, tulis lagi. Bukan selalu mood nak menulis ni datang hehe. So out of disappointment, I nak tulis pasal roti canai sedap harini.

I tahu disappointment and sedap do not belong to each other, I disappointed sebab Bila dorang balik, dorang tapaukan banyaak roti canai tapi roti bom I langsung tak dapat dikesan. Bayangkan the disappointment tu! I tak ikut my family pergi tadi lepas isyak, I mintak dorang bungkuskan roti bom je dua.

Dua tiga kali jugak lah I belek semua roti canai tu, sebab roti bom senang nak cam, saiz dia lagi kecil dari roti-roti lain and bau dia fragrant sebab ada planta and ada gula. So rasa manis berlemak and wangi dia tu. Lagi-lagi kalau makan panas-panas! Urghh sedapnya roti bom!!

Yangni gambar masa makan haritu. 

Nama kedai dia Kedai Apih Roti Canai & Murtabak. Kalau dari Kuala Terengganu ke Setiu, memang lalu kedai dia. Kalau u google nama kedai dia, nanti jumpa. Specialnya roti dia sebab lembut and boleh rasa lain daripada roti canai lain. Makan panas-panas lagi lah rasa sedap dia. Pasal roti dia, bukan I je cakap, memang my whole family noticed benda ni and bila ayah I pun cakap benda sama, so memang betul. Sebab ayah I memang picky bab makanan.

Kalau dipping dia, kari dia in my opinion, rasa masam tu quite dominant. Mungkin boleh improve lagi. Sebab I rasa haritu and tadi makan, memang still sama. Kuah dalca dia okay lah. Tak tahu cane nak cakap sebab memang tak minat kuah dalca sebab I rasa macam pelik kalau dipping tu manis. Tapi i nampak kat TikTok ke kat Twitter haritu, dorang cakap kalau campur kuah dalca and kuah kari sekali, lagi sedap. I tak pernah cuba lagi, so tak tahu. Maybe nanti boleh cuba.

Kalau tak nak menunggu, masa otw tu dah boleh call untuk order, so takdelah nanti tunggu lama. Tapi kalau okay je nak tunggu sebab suka makan masa betul-betul panas, pun okay je. 

Tapi I perasan nombor kat banner ni lain dengan kat google, so not sure. 

Kedai dia I perasan, orang boleh tahan ramai, tapi takde lah sampai takde tempat duduk. Tapi satu benda I perasan, masing-masing takeaway, fuhhh banyak do. Lebih daripada lima sorang. I tak judge those people makan banyak ke apa, sebab I sendiri pun big eater, tapi that actually shows something. Tadi balik, kakak I pun bagitahu I benda sama. Banyak potensi ya kedai roti canai ni.

Tibahh panjang pulak cerita, ni tak campur nak cerita pasal kes I makan roti canai kat gong badak dulu.

Satu pagi tu, I dengan dua orang kawan I pergi jogging kat pantai UMT, pastu lapar teruk, then singgahlah kedai roti canai kat roundabout UniSZA. Haa gitu siap mention kat mana kedai tu, nampak kan masih bitter. Yang nak cakap, apalah lepas jogging makan roti canai. Haa tak kisahlah, masatu bukan setakat hungry, memang starving. I sebut sekali lagi, I memang big eater. I jenis suka tangguh makan, tapi sekali I makan, haa siap. Tak orang luar, family I pun selalu geleng kepala dengan kuantiti makanan I. so kisahnya I order roti sardine and roti telur. Then bila nak bayar, pak cik cashier tu dia pandang I atas bawah, then cakap dengan nada disbelief yang nak tergelak,

“Makan tak padan dengan tuan.”

Pulak tu I, memang jenis lambat pick up and proses kalau orang cakap apa apa dekat I. Lagi-lagi benda buruk. Dia nak cakap badan I tak besar, tapi makan banyak. Pastu dari masuk kereta sampai lah malam tu ayat pak cik tu terngiang-ngiang dekat telinga I. Then I rasa terhina dan rendah diri tau. And perasaan tu stayed with me for some days.

I memang takkan jejak dah situ, and roti sardine dia tak sedap pun.

One of the reasons I tak suka makan dengan orang, sebab dorang tend to judge my portion of food. Benda ni nampak simple ja, tapi entahlah, it gives me the taste of discomfort. And I tak suka, lagi-lagi waktu makan ialah waktu I nak berfikir dengan tenang, layan my train of thoughts.

“Weh, serius lah kau makan banyak ni? Kalah aku yang lelaki ni.”

“Aini, mana makanan awak?”

“Banyak gila kau makan. Kau bela saka ke?”

“Weh, mana makanan kau? Aku baru toleh sana kejap.”

“Banyaknya ambil nasi….”

“Tangki besar kau ni”

I faham je, some yang said those comments memang out of disbelief, in awe pun ya tapi tekak kita and perut kita tak sama dengan orang lain. And bila kita nak make comments pun, ada few things kena consider, rapat ke tak kita dengan orang tu, orang tu cane and so on. Okie?

 

 

Hey, hope everyone is doing great.

I always wanted to be real honest with what I’m gonna write but having the thoughts the writings might be way too honest, in a way could be seemed as provocative, might as well sound too personal, that other people might think it is inappropriate to put them online, at the end, I never really write them down, I usually brush them off pretending they don’t matter when they actually are.

I’ve heard people said, these voices of thoughts are not us, only parts of us, it’s only like we are destined to be in one single body and mind. Like a lifetime roommate, they can be annoying, they can be too upfront on certain things but to have a good life, we gotta make peace with them, and that could mean by giving them the attention they need, but not in an excessive ways.  

I personally like to hear my thoughts, giving them some space to give their stand, but when I forgot to draw some limits here and there, I akan end up penat sendiri.  

It can get really heavy, involves with a lot of questioning and self-reflection, and rarely gets dark.

At times, I really wanted to be kind to my thoughts, treating them like they are some kinds of individual, with care and great attention. I do get tired of them, hoping they would stop at some points but thinking again, I am nobody without them.

It can get exciting when I had a rush of interesting thoughts that could be poems, interesting reflection on humankind, then I would be rushing to find papers and a pencil to write them down, not wanting to miss even a word of them.   

Not sure why the sudden urge to produce this random writing, originally I wanted to write on other things but being Aini, it can be hard in choosing which thoughts I should write down first.

I just finished reading Normal People. One of the reasons why I have a lot on my mind right now but to cut it short, I loved it and the amount of connection I had with Marriane and Connor was unspeakable. I personally never thought that I am actually able to connect with fictional characters in such a very deep level. It’s mind-blowing. I get them a lot. Funny how to some people novel is only a novel but to others, it’s like being heard after thinking it could not be possible even in hundred years.

Anne With An E

 

I baru je habis this series semalam. Sedihnya dah habis sebab I suka gila this series! I can see myself rewatching this, even suggesting my future kids to watch this show and to pick as many vocabulary as possible. Few years ago, kawan I yang duk suggest, kata,

“Aini tengoklah series ni, mesti aini suka.” Plus dia cakap, dia tengok series ni, Anne reminds her of me. She said because of the way I usually speak lol. But watching this, really struck me how beautiful a language can be and how it is an useful instrument to deliver your thoughts and ideas in a lot of ways.

Turns out memang I suka sangat!! If you happened to read this cah, ahh thank you for the recommendation!! 

Kisah dia pasal this one girl, she has such very beautiful ways with her words, describing things/feelings/people. Ahh, suka sangat dengar and baca subs dia!!! Dulu dia duduk dekat orphanage, macam-macam jugaklah dia kena, then she’s been adopted dengan dua beradik ni from Green Gables. Dari situ Anne ni sangat determined untuk behaved and please Marilla and Matthew. Then she started to get proper education, then meet more people. Series ni best sebab dia heartwarming, pasal family, friendship, society and identity.

Cantik kan dress dia masa ni!! Dahla warna hijau! Masani dia pergi party Aunt Josephine dengan Diana and Cole. 

Dress Anne masa ni paling eye-catching pada I. Sangat cantik and classy!

Tapi sayang sebab dia stop sampai season 3 je, now I faham kenapa ramai orang frustrated, siap buat petition bila dorang umum series ni dah takkan sambung. Boleh tengok kat Netflix okie! Each series dalam 10 episod gitu.

And series ni sebenarnya adaptasi daripada siri buku klasik Anne of Green Gables. Now that I know buku dia semua sekali ada 8, maybe I patut baca buku dia sebab I tak boleh move on lagi sobs.