Familiarity

 

Reading After I Do makes me feel all melancholy.

It’s the sense of familiarity. Holding on to what seem right.

At this point of my life, no one feels familiar anymore, that it feels unreal to me. And how it saddens me. Maybe one of the reasons why it’s hard for me to let them go is the fear of not being able to find people like them again.

Losing the sense of familiarity with your people is already terrifying and letting them go is a different thing.

Not that it feels necessary to walk away, but losing this particular sense, can draw a bigger gap among people over time.

I remember how her tears instantly streamed down her face when he apologized, saying he knew he had changed. She wished he didn’t say that out loud, so she could keep her pretense of not seeing it coming, not before she readied herself. It truly saddened her, because his words felt like a goodbye. But she wouldn’t lie, there was actually a sense of relief, which she didn’t need to pretend anymore.

And how pretending feels like lying.

It’s only natural for us to change.

And change, could never be suppressed, or else, it’s only going to disperse a gnawing pain all over the body and mind.

Is it okay to hold on to someone just because they give us the sense of familiarity?

I think yes, considering how it’s a huge contributing factor that makes people feel cozy among themselves.

I wonder if people feel the same way about me, the way I feel about them. That we are slowly growing apart, that our values seem to contradict unlike in past. Things feel like being forced, less meaningful and awkward.