Hospital Trip (Part 3)

Dejavú.

Itulah apa aku rasa after almost a year, aku ada dekat tempat yang sama, dalam situasi yang sama, dalam lingkungan masa yang sama jugak. 

Hurin kena tahan hospital lagi. 

Bila aku sampai nak take over tu, aku tak anxious macam dulu, walaupun aku still tak tahu nak expect apa. Kalau sebelum ni adik aku duduk dekat katil kiri, kali ni katil kanan. Dan aku perasan yang kalini, hospital ni nampak lebih tersusun dan bersih. Mungkin sebab covid dah tak seteruk dulu.

Sambil tunggu Hurin tidur, aku perasan katil belakang aku dah tiba-tiba berpenghuni, yang tadinya kosong. I took a glimpse at his resting face, and thought to myself, wait, I think I know him. It took me awhile to recognise, he was the guard from my previous school, where I worked. He looked relaxed and really taking his time, with eyes closed. He wasn’t wearing mask so it was easier to recognise. 

Dalam aku berkira-kira nak tegur dia dulu, dia dah tanya aku dulu hahaha. And we changed remarks and I asked if he was from home, and he said no, he was directly from work, and experienced shortness of breath while making his rounds and decided to come here before going back. 

What a small world, I smiled to myself at this thought. Aku selalu ingat orang takkan kenal aku bila aku pakai mask, sebab aku sendiri payah nak cam orang kalau dia pakai mask, lagi-lagi kalau orang tu dah lama tak jumpa. But of course it’s easier to recognise someone from their gait. 

Doktor panggil aku and Hurin masuk ward sebab memang kena bermalam dekat hospital dulu malam tu. I bid farewell to him sebab rasa macam rude je kalau pergi macam tu je without exchanging final remarks. I looked around the paed ward, settled down our belongings while listening to the chatters of the nurses behind the counter. I wondered if any of them was a parent to my students. 

Doktor cakap tak tahu lagi kena transfer hospital atau tak, sebab kena monitor dulu for a few hours. Aku pun macam okay lah. Hurin pun dah tidur atas katil, nampak lembik betul. Aku tak boleh nak tidur, rasa serba tak kena, kalau tak duduk, aku berdiri, tengok jam, kemudian buang pandang ke luar. Wad pun lengang, tak ramai orang, katil keliling aku pun kosong. 

. 

Matahari dah naik. Adik aku pun dah terpisat-pisat bangun. Doktor decide yang adik aku kena transfer jugak. Aku pun okay lah kalau macam tu, nak buat macam mana lagi. God bless the matron who lent her phone for me to call home. I was supposed to swapped places with mom but during last minute, the decision changed. Aku turun bawah and settled the bill. Then aku kemas barang kemudian tunggu nurse and doktor. 

Sempat jumpa mama babah before naik ambulance, plus mama passed a few barang Hurin jugak. I remember how I was choking in my own tears bila babah masuk ambulance sekejap untuk cium dahi Hurin. And I caught my sister’s expression, how she badly wanted to cry, but she intentionally looked away, suppressing herself from crying, putting on a straight face. I recognised that at a single glance, because I did that most of the time when I was at her age. Crying in front of them is always the last resort. To always hold back your tears, for whatever it takes. 

I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to be sending your kid away, to another hospital, despite the situation.