Juvenile Justice

I loved this!! Such an eye-opening series on juvenile cases and juvenile court in Korea. I never knew there are juvenile judges to handle such cases. I thought judges are judges, and they handle all kinds of cases without specification.

There are a few things that came to my mind when I was watching this series; 

To abolish the juvenile law and punish the kids using the existing law may seem the easier way to handle things but the law itself exists not to simply punish, but mainly to protect and teach, especially the young offenders. 

I couldn't help but to concur when the presiding judge said they couldn't simply abolish the juvenile law, despite the pressure from the society, but to take a deeper look what can be improved in the existing law, so that things can be revised. Looking at the crimes those youngsters committed, they left us burning in rage and complete distress but other than the question what's the best way to teach the offenders is, what drives them to commit such crimes at the first place. 

This reminds me of the certain points from the book In Defense of Flogging by Peter Moskos, on how incarceration isn't the best option in a long run for a lot of reasons. Building more and more prisons to incarcerate offenders might seem the best and easier way but without actually dive deeper to the root cause of why such crimes happened at the first place will only repeat the broken system. 

Without a better plan and system by the policy makers, there's a high chance those offenders will keep repeating their crimes. 

And this truly makes me think of how everything, truly starts from home. 

We notice how these young offenders usually come from broken family or absent parents, and this realisation should make us ask the question, do we really know what a secure childhood and home can do to youngsters? If we truly understand the science behind that, the chances of us to see the consequences of taking this matter lightly is steep. 

Even wealthy people doesn't always get these things right. 

Like it was stated in The Body Keeps the Score book, there are countries like Netherlands and Norway seem to aware the bigger picture of this alarming issue. Their government realised what a secure home can truly do to the well-being of the children, to families and later will be reflected to the state of society. These countries don't only provide high-quality childcare, parental leave but they also invest in sending their people home to home, helping families to raise their children in a safe and predictable environment. And their efforts actually reflect on how their kids' test score and achievements at school and how they have such a low crime rates in comparison with other countries. 

Doesn't matter which hierarchy in this society we are belonged to, it always starts with the drive to learn to build awareness, at least in ourselves and our circle.

p/s: This series (ten episodes) is available on Netflix or you can just watch it online on DramaCool. Besides, I'm super excited as it was confirmed  that there'll be a 2nd season! 

Adult Privilege

One of the best privileges of being an adult is for us to finally get the answers to the questions you’ve been asking yourself since you were young.

Having the access to the right resources to finally understand things better, and to make sense out of things is just so revealing.

It feels like breathing new air, which feels liberating and surreal.

And how with that knowledge, comes responsibility.

Mundanity

 Mundane.

Life isn't always about sparkles and rollercoaster of emotions. It can seem stagnant, mundane and lack of meaning.

Now, being an adult myself, this state of being feels more common and rather palpable, that the usual distractions I seek to, seem to lose its magic on me.

Like, there’s expiration for distractions.

I started to think, why we actually wanted to be distracted any longer when we know our real needs?  Especially when those true needs feel more urgent than we imagined it could be. 

And then we ask ourselves what the thing that we missed.

That distractions are simply distractions, never is a freedom.

So, what’s the true depiction of freedom?

Life is hard but the speck of life I see down the road really gives me hope.

Hope is doing its magic, it makes people like me choose to keep going. Hope makes things feel doable, tolerable even if it means by trudging.

Hope really keeps us going and that's a fact.

With The End In Mind (A Book Review)

 

“But this is the wisdom of a long life: none of us is immortal, and every day brings us closer to our last.”

It’s a searing memoir regarding death of patients in cancer and hospice care from the eyes of palliative care consultant, Kathryn Mannix. She illustrates death with delicate yet honest manners, guiding us through its process and patterns.

How death could be creeping slow, and gentler than it has always been depicted in most mainstream media. It could prompt us gently, usually when no one sees, or almost abruptly which left people wet in shock.

It’s hard not to cry reading this book. The first story made me cry out the tears of acceptance. The second one was too shocking that I froze in my seat. And the fourth one was simply heartbreaking.

Even in the middle of the stories, when things seemed to be progressing well, right before the moment I took in the breath of relief, I was hit with the fact that, this book is about death, that demises will take place at the end of the stories, either being told or left hanging.

That, the relief feels wrong. That it feels wrong to let myself getting carried away with relief when the prediction was there from the start.

The fulfilment I felt when I finished this book, made me realized how it’s been quite a while since the last time I read books this fulfilling. Kathryn’s usage of words also sound beautifully in my head, the way she described things, like a beautiful prose being weaved. Besides her deep, rhetoric questions that always made me pause and ponder.

She also mentioned on euthanasia, or assisted death, which is banned in most countries but not in Netherlands. The word directly transports me to the film, Me Before You. She also shared a story of a transferred patient from Netherlands which refused to continue the treatment there when the doctors kept trying to talk to him into euthanasia.

But what really swept me over is her priceless, rare wisdom. It truly feels like a privilege, a true opportunity to see the other sides of life from someone like her. It’s hard to move on from her wisdom, not that I want to. Some of her words simply stays in my head, even until this moment, which I hope they will stay there permanently. I'm happy to cling on her words and keep pondering. 

This is such an important read and I'd recommend this book to everyone I know. 

I'm looking forward to read her latest work, Listen. (already had it added to my library after I finished this book!)

 

Familiarity

 

Reading After I Do makes me feel all melancholy.

It’s the sense of familiarity. Holding on to what seem right.

At this point of my life, no one feels familiar anymore, that it feels unreal to me. And how it saddens me. Maybe one of the reasons why it’s hard for me to let them go is the fear of not being able to find people like them again.

Losing the sense of familiarity with your people is already terrifying and letting them go is a different thing.

Not that it feels necessary to walk away, but losing this particular sense, can draw a bigger gap among people over time.

I remember how her tears instantly streamed down her face when he apologized, saying he knew he had changed. She wished he didn’t say that out loud, so she could keep her pretense of not seeing it coming, not before she readied herself. It truly saddened her, because his words felt like a goodbye. But she wouldn’t lie, there was actually a sense of relief, which she didn’t need to pretend anymore.

And how pretending feels like lying.

It’s only natural for us to change.

And change, could never be suppressed, or else, it’s only going to disperse a gnawing pain all over the body and mind.

Is it okay to hold on to someone just because they give us the sense of familiarity?

I think yes, considering how it’s a huge contributing factor that makes people feel cozy among themselves.

I wonder if people feel the same way about me, the way I feel about them. That we are slowly growing apart, that our values seem to contradict unlike in past. Things feel like being forced, less meaningful and awkward.

 

Getting Used to It

 What’s on my mind these days is how we could never get used to certain things.

Like how certain words still hurt so bad like the first time whenever they are being hurled to us.

It’s amusing, sad, confusing and never fails to surprise.

There were times I feel stupid to see myself still get surprised over and over again considering how the pain of those words bear, never seem to lessen over time.

After years, I’m still not numb by it. There were times when shutting off myself simply fails.

I was reading With the End in Mind by Kathryn Mannix, I remember how she said, she has been working close to death on her daily basis as a palliative care consultant, but still, each of the process, similar yet unique on their own way, she admits how she could never get used to the process.

I was watching Juvenile Justice earlier, I’m on the last episode and thinking about this, reminds me of what Judge Shim said, doesn’t matter how much juvenile cases she had handled, she could never get used to it, that it never makes sense to her.

Listen

 

I find this scene is so profound and how I really love it for that reason. Try to observe Lexi’s body language, how it reflects discomfort and nervousness and how she is hesitant at first and she covers that with being skeptical in general and how she almost retreat back to her shell when Sylvia's phone rang, but the moment she could confirm that Sylvia is really there for her, we could see her hard, high wall slowly crumbles. That her body signals that she feels okay to finally be all vulnerable in front of Sylvia and that, Sylvia who’s the one that makes it okay for her to be that with her at the first place. That’s how powerful a clear communication can do to us, humans. It makes it seem possible to be truly okay again, or at least convince us that, it is okay not to be okay. We feel heard in the moment of vulnerability, we feel seen and it enables us to see hope at the end of the road.

 I can’t stop replaying it for numerous of times as if watching this, gives me not only hope, but strength. I remember the first time I watched this scene, with tears welled up in my eyes, I quietly said to myself that I want this. I want to have this kind of conversation, where I could be all vulnerable, and looking right into the other person's eyes and see confidence; that they could take that in, pure interest and understanding. And even if the pouring scares them, they will not back away. I desperately want that to the point I am willing to pay someone to be that for me.

Is it selfish wanting to be listened like how I want to be listened? Or at least like how I listened? Is it something impossible to ask out of people? It deflects me, it’s upsetting how I never get the satisfaction like how I see people get out of confiding in others. 

Maybe I crave for such a deep emotional connection that it's hard to find people who can offer me that. It makes me think, if I could find someone that I could connect on such a deep level so well, I might do whatever it takes to keep them. 

I don’t know how much time I have before I explode, which I hope the time would never come. I don’t know how much I have in me to keep holding in. But one thing that I truly know, I want to unpack all this emotional baggage that I’ve been carrying since a long time ago, and how they hold me back from doing a lot of things, and how the weight of it has affected and consumed me all these years. And how I only want to enjoy the beauty of life the way it is.

Maybe they don’t have the capacity to listen well that it feels easier for them to dismiss people’s feelings. I don’t know.

Imagine if we are taught how to listen well. Imagine how many hearts we could save from being crushed. 

 

What My Mother And I Don't Talk About (A Book Review)

 

 I saw this book on my Instagram explore page; the fuchsia pink cover, and the title left me intrigued. I checked what the book was about and instantly added it to my library on my Books app.

I was on the first page of introduction and I instantly knew that I want to get the physical one and keep it to myself, and reread it from time to time.

It is a compilation works of fifteen writers which tell us about their mother.

Certain stories weren’t impactful enough, I mean, that’s normal, not the story of everyone’s life will intrigue us but there’s always something to learn from them. It could be because the writings were too short or stopped right before it got spicy. Writing the stories of our life, specifically about the relationship between us and our mother, that couldn’t be easy as we imagined.

I cried so much reading Nothing Left Unsaid by Julianna Baggott. I know it wasn’t specifically that sad but there were certain parts that I find triggering.

The most heartbreaking one to me was Her Body / My Body by Nayomi Munaweera. The one that got me with happy tears was Are You Listening? by Andre Aciman. I squealed the other day when I saw someone on Instagram story reading his book.

Reading Thesmophoria by Melissa Febos left me slightly confused.

I also loved My Mother’s (Gate) Keeper’s by Cathi Hanauer, Fifteen by Bernice L. McFadden, 16 Minetta Lane by Dylan Landis and I Met Fear on the Hill by Leslie Jamison.

And I know these favorites might change over time as my preferences and focus change. 

The Emotionally Absent Mother (A Book Review)

 

This is such an important read. And if I’d come up with Berdamai Dengan Diri Sendiri book-starter-pack, this book will be on the top of the list.

Reading the first few parts of the book, honestly, it wasn’t easy for me. It's triggering at some points. And I can't see myself to stop talking about it, as there are lots to be shared and discussed and I humbly would recommend this to everyone, to find out what we really have missed or simply how to mother better. 

This is not about who to blame. We have passed that, and it's time to look beyond that. It’s time to find out the big WHY; why the wounds happened at the first place, what caused it. Only after we get a better understanding of the bigger picture, we ask the  CRITICAL question; what can be done to improve things, for ourselves and our future kids?

Call me naïve, but I only found out after reading this book that attachment is a human need and never a bad thing. Maybe my mind was too messed up to actually see that all this time. There are healthy and unhealthy attachments, and there are reasons what might cause attachment to be unhealthy. It's being discussed in chapter 3; Attachment as our first foundation, which to me is one of the most interesting topics to be read. 

I was struck by a huge relief that my eyes got teary when the author said that she hope the first few chapters would help us to get a better understanding of the connection between what was missing in our childhood with the difficulties we are struggling now as an adult. Because I understand exactly what she's trying to convey as I understand a lot better now, why this and why that. Some of my big questions finally being answered.

Nobody suggested this book to me. I saw it once when I was window shopping on Book Depository and its title is too intriguing to be ignored and I added it to my wish list after reading the synopsis. And I swear to God, Book Depository has been suggested great books to me. Books that I saw nobody recommends but actually deserves better recognition. When you really like certain books, go to Book Depository website and scroll down to 'people who bought this also bought' and skim through. 

 

Robert Karen in his compilation of research on attachment:

“Virtually all children, even abused children, love their parents. It’s built into the nature of being a child. They may be hurt, disappointed, caught in destructive modes of being that ward off any possibility of getting the love they yearn for, but to be attached, even anxiously attached, is to be in love. Each year the love may become a little more difficult to access; each year the child may disavow his wish for connection more firmly; he may even swear off his parents and deny that he has any love for them at all; but the love is there, as is the longing to actively express it and to have it returned, hidden like a burning sun”

 

“It is not easy to give of yourself if you still have many unmet needs. Yet mothering requires constant giving.”

“How we are put together, how we see ourselves, our sense of self-esteem, our unconscious beliefs about relationship—all of these are strongly imprinted by our mother. She is not the only influence, but she and our interactions with her provide the basic building materials for all of these things.

Whether we feel that basic material as nourishing or toxic is largely determined by the quality of our interactions with our mother. It is not what Mother does that is so critical, but rather her energetic presence and her love that are so important. Is she spaced out or angry while feeding her baby? ”

 

“We can even meet some of these needs for ourselves as we mature, understanding that the undermothered child is usually still alive in an adult, still needing what it needed then.”

“Love is probably most effectively communicated by nonverbal means, including touch, tone of voice, eyes and facial expression, body language, and attentiveness. When the environment provides a secure sense of holding and containment (such as provided through boundaries and rules), this also feels like love.”

“A sense of safety is essential for a child to be able to relax and explore. Without safety, we may never learn to really go out into the world. Without our caretaker’s protection, our only protection is to stay small and build defensive structures into our personality.”

 

"For a young child not to feel wanted is to have no solid ground."

“When we are consistently not seen, it can lead to feeling invisible and an uncertainty that we are real. The feeling of unreality can be subtle and generally unconscious, or it can be quite pervasive and disorienting.”

“We may develop a sense of unworthiness and shame or fail to actualize our true potential. This can also set us up to be too accommodating to other people rather than stand behind ourselves.”

“When we don’t get a sense that Mother wants to meet our needs, we can believe, “My needs are shameful or a burden. I shouldn’t have needs.” We feel alone in our experience.”

 

Undermothered

“Yes, you got enough mothering to survive, but not enough for the kind of foundation that supports healthy self-confidence, initiative, resilience, trust, healthy entitlement, self-esteem, and the many other qualities we need to thrive in this challenging world.”

“As babies, we had no way of meeting our basic needs and were entirely dependent on others to be responsive to our calls for help. When our needs are consistently met, we feel secure and trust that help will be there. Without this, we learn that care is not available, the world doesn’t feel friendly or supportive, and we feel more insecure and mistrustful. We don’t know that we will have what we need, which jeopardizes our basic sense of trust.”

“It doesn’t help if the first responder goes to the wrong address, offers shelter when what’s needed is food, or insists on giving you what you don’t want. In psychological parlance we call this accuracy “attunement.” Mother as First Responder will be helpful to the extent she is attuned to her child’s needs. This is especially true for the early years before language.

This attunement and responsiveness to needs provides what is called a holding environment. With it, we feel held. This function is also what leads to self-regulation (described next in Mother as Modulator).”

“To modulate something is to make sure it’s not too strong and not too weak, but falls within a more optimal range. ”

“Through her response, she teaches the child how to deal with disappointment, frustration, anger, loss, and the many powerful experiences of life.

Without Mother as an effective modulator, we don’t learn to effectively manage our emotions. Either we cut off feelings, or our emotional states tend to spiral out of control. Anger turns into rage, crying to hysteria; we can’t contain our excitement, frustration, sexual impulses, or anything else.

Learning to modulate our internal states is called self-regulation or self-modulation. It is something the nervous system for the most part controls, but it is learned initially by the mother standing in for the developing nervous system and by meeting the child’s needs before he gets totally overwhelmed. Mother as Modulator serves as a cushion to the child’s fragile nervous system while it is developing.”

“Healing is possible even though it might require times and serious commitment. Otherwise, we’ll keep repeating the same mistakes and the broken cycle.”

“There is grace in the healing process, so although it’s not like one good cry can make up for years of repressed sadness, it can take you further down the field than you might think.”

“Although the process of healing never really ends, the hurt may.” 

“As we work through these wounds, our identity slowly changes. After all, our story has changed. Our life has changed. And it’s time for the internal narrative to change as well.”

 

 

 

 

Kayman Skintella Moisturizing Gel Review

Kayman Skintella Moisturizing Gel 30ml

I get the hype, I do. 

It’s an elegant gel cream consistency, applies beautifully, sits nicely on top of my skin and I’m always in love with the finish and how my skin looks in the mirror. The finish makes it perfect to be used as the last step of my skincare routine. 

On rare occasions, I did experience a slight pilling but problem solved when I layer my products slightly differently. 

Aini, you said you have a really dry skin, is it enough for you?

Short anwer; no. 

Long answer; if I could give numbers so perhaps it will be easier for some for us to get my points; a moisturiser that is able to keep my skin well-moisturised all night is at 5 and Kayman SMG stands between 3.8 and 4.2. It actually feels better when I layer my skin with thicker hydrators beforehand. And I also found out I could actually reach the perfect 5 with layering my reliable Hada Labo Whitening Cream before seals it with this one. Considering how the Hada Labo one is more on the hydrating side, they really complete each other.

 I hope Kayman would come up with a heavier moisturiser, creamy yet leaves a similar finish to this one, also with similar skin-loving ingredients

So, what makes this moisturiser stand out in my opinion? 

Using this consistently, it knocked me over with the big realization that my skin is not naturally that VERY dry, but lacking in ingredients that I am supposed to feed my skin with. My skin actually got a LOT less dry after using this consistently, and I am happy to find that out. It’s like you thought you could never ace in certain subjects in school, but when the teacher changed, you realised that you are actually able to do a lot better than you think, and it changed how you see yourself and things, in fact you feel a lot better about everything. Like a foggy path finally gets cleared up. 

If chicken rendang is my comfort food (makan with lemang, fuhh so good), this Kayman SMG falls into the same category. Something that you will crave for at the end of the day when everything starts to overwhelm you. I’m so happy that I could finally suggest something when people ask for a quick fix for their eczema flares up and redness caused by irritation. It’s exactly the first thing that comes to my mind for a quick fix because that’s exactly what it served me. 

This Kayman SMG is amazing for barrier repair and to soothe the skin. It really stands out in its own way. 

And the last thing I shall not miss out stating here is, bila pakai tu, ada sikit rasa sejuk yang nyaman, yang terasa damai.

And one thing I don't want to miss out stating here is, this gel moisturiser also feels great to be used on the lips before seals it with thicker lip products, or simply any occlusive heavy ointment. 

*PR

Why Kayman SRS 2.0 Is A Must Try

Aini jujurnya, masa awal-awal dapat tu, aini tak berharap banyak. Expectation pun memang tak tinggi, and PR package pun sampai tiba-tiba, macam surprise gitu, I was like, okay, lets see lah.

Kenapa aini tak berharap sangat? Sebab aini fikir, repairing serum, okay, tapi sejauh mana wow factor dia tu, kalau ada. Kalau pun ia really helps with acne, cut and stuff, itu belum cukup untuk aini nak cakap, weh, ni memang power gila ni, memang kena cuba. Atau, mungkin standard aini memang tinggi? Idk about that, but I am hard to impress. 

Macam yang ramai orang bagi feedbacks, serum ni berkesan untuk kecutkan jerawat, kurangkan redness. Kecutkan jerawat tu, in my experience, memang betul. Kalau jerawat yang dah separuh keluar tu, cepat je kecut. Kalau yang baru terasa benjolan dia bawah kulit, pun cepat je surut. Biasa aini gelabah kalau acne muncul, ada serum ni, siap boleh senyum eh. Dia punya yakin. Im so thankful for that sebab jerawat aini, kalau naik, biasa degil. 

Untuk 15ml, aini guna dari 29/1 and habis malam 17/2. Almost 3 minggu jugak.

So awal-awal tu, aini memang guna semata guna je lah. Sambil closely observe. And aini pun jenis yang dalam satu rutin tu, tak pakai banyak produk. So kalau tanya how every product works on my skin, aini memang boleh cakap sebab dapat observe betul-betul each of them. And using not so much of products at one time, allows me to be able to tell. Kalau essence, memang aini guna satu atau dua je tapi pakai banyak-banyak layer.  

So, apa yang buat aini sampai nak menulis panjang pasal serum ni? Apa yang best sangat? Explain.

Masa awal-awal guna tu tak perasan tau, tapi lepas dah nak masuk 3 minggu guna, bila tengok cermin, boleh nampak kulit sangat sihat, and bila pegang tu memang rasa halus je kulit, smooth ja. Rasa dia, sangat-sangat best. Aini boleh cakap, so far, takde yang buat kulit aini rasa gini sepanjang cuba product. Rasa sihat gila. Betul-betul, at its best. Walaupun ramai orang cakap aini is a smooth talker, I dont exaggerate things. Kalau best, kita cakap, kenapa dia best, kalau tak best, biasanya aini diam or cakap biasa ja ahahahah. 

Aini pun tengah break daripada guna retinol masa test SRS 2.0 tu, and exfoliate pun jarang. Satu, sebab rasa tak berkeperluan pun nak exfoliate tiap minggu, bila rasa nak je. 

Aini syak it was bifida doing. Idk, this is only my hunch. I know it's tricky to say it's the certain ingredient doing when really, it's the combination of all the ingredients in one bottle. We know how bifida is a great fermented ingredient untuk barrier repair and to improve overall skin health. In fact, pada hidung aini, memang serum ni bau something yang fermented. I think it is such a brilliant move to use bifida together with another soothing ingredients. Kayman chemists really deserve the world. I feel like giving them a long, warm hug. Rasa macam dah lama tak excited gini dengan product. 

Aini honestly tak pernah cuba any bifida-based product, pernah lah brand Itfer, tu pun pakai sekali dua then tak suka dia punya finish. Kalau fermented ingredients yang aini pernah cuba betul-betul, is galactomyces. Galactomyces products best sebab biasanya boleh rasa dia punya deep hydration tu, and softening effect. So si kulit kering gersang macam aini, memang akan suka lah. Tapi bila dah guna SRS 2.0 for quite some time ni, and if it's true that bifida yang pushed this serum beyond great, I will happily conclude bifida >> galactomyces. Tapi, apa apa pun, overall formula tu sendiri memang penting lah. 

Maybe lepas ni boleh cuba the Manyo Bifida Biome Complex Ampoule? hehe

Kalau any of you cakap, what if penggunaan produk lain antara pemyumbang kepada bestnya aini rasa serum ni?

Mungkin dorang ada contribute in some ways tapi its definitely Kayman SRS 2.0 doing. 

What about Kayman Skintella Moisturising Gel? Aini guna dia sekali kan masa guna Kayman SRS 2.0?

Okay, nak senang nampak, aini letak nombor. Nombor paling tinggi 10. Using Kayman SMG, it pushed my skin sampai nombor 8, max. But what makes it possible for my skin to reach number 10, its unmistakenly Kayman SRS 2.0. And in my experience, it always better to use them  both in one routine. I had tested in every way possible to confirm this, and yes.  

Seriously, in the name of God, this serum blows my mind. The word great doesn't do the justice to describe Kayman SRS 2.0. It is beyond that. Phenomenal even. Well, at least to me. 

If I choose to settle down one day, with a few products, this is definitely one of them, selain Kayman SMG and my beloved Tony Moly Mugwort Essence. Kalau u tahu your skin suka fermented ingredients and selalu perlu ditenangkan, feed her/him SRS 2.0. InshaAllah dia akan happy gila over time. 

Terasa betul its absence bila dah habis ni. Kalau in any way Kak Belle baca ni, please one day keluarkan SRS 2.0 in 50ml, so that nanti puas sikit guna hehe. 

Hahaha, ini bukan promote berbayar ya. Kalau berbayar pun, kalau produk tu mediore at its best, aini takkan letak pun kat my personal blog. Dan aini menulis ni pun, bukan niat nak convince sesiapa, aini cuma rasa it deserves it. And memang I love to write hehe. 

I never state this but my personal favourite from Kayman are Skintella Repairing Serum 2.0, Coalberry Cleanser and Skintella Moisturising Gel.  

Lastly, ingat okay, jangan mudah terpengaruh dengan cakap orang. Apa-apa, tengok your skin needs and your skin concerns. Dan jangan pernah ambil bulat-bulat apa orang cakap, reviewers ni bercakap daripada pengalaman dorang guna certain products tu je, and kita kena tahu, kulit kita lain-lain. Walaupun A kulit dia sensitive, B pun sensitive, tahap sensitiviti tu still berbeza. Ambil pandangan mereka sebagai general guideline je, sebab kalau tak, nanti kecewa, haa nak salahkan siapa?